Go see THE COVE and well give you free tickets...

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Hello all, Not many movies that move me these days so much that I need to tell EVERYONE about it so they too can see/feel what ive just been fortunate enough to witness myself. A few days ago I went and saw this film in Los Angeles called “The Cove”, I can honestly tell you it broke my heart in the cinema; I couldn't help but fall into tears more then once. It's now showing pretty much all over the globe and ive added a link so you can find a screening in your city or town this week. Clink HERE  I believe YOU your friends your family watching this movie is more important then my music or any other flick at the cinema at this time. I'm offering anyone who sees the film FREE ticket's to one of our shows on our album tour in 2010 anywhere in the world, just send us a shot of you and your ticket stub (or just pic of your ticket stub) and we will place you on out guest list. I don't want to go into detail to explain what the movie is about; I think you should go with an open mind. Please I beg you to see this film NOW. Its one of the most important films you will ever see. I think this film will change your point of view, i guarentee it so much that if you dont feel frustrated when watching this film and dont like it at all. let me know and i will personally refund your ticket price. Make a difference people, if not for ourselves at the very least these helpless majestic creatures :/

Standing in the I dont know

Thursday, 23 July 2009

First of all thank you to those still visiting this forum, still discussing your opinions and the TRP journey. It's been so long since releases now that I would not blame you all for leaving to no return, as I've noticed many have...

I wrote a very sincere and for me heart breaking post a few nights ago, it was me at my lowest point since I began this album and with no manager, label no-one beside me to yell too, for some reason I felt this was the best place to scream, and so I did but deleted it a few hours later. I think a few of you did read it and I want to apologise as I should not be doing such a thing, was little too revealing and possibly intense.

I'm been getting quite a few emails from people who are so eager to hear this new record and have been following progress closely its you people I worry about most.

So without me kicking and screaming this is an update on my life with this album stuck in Toronto, Canada right now.

I'm having a lot of trouble mixing last 4 songs and getting my vision right. For example we just spent last 8 days mixing Hong Kong only to realise it not right and we are going to re-mix it again starting now, “Now that the world is over...” Headfuk much? This means ive mixed Hong Kong now 6 times and going for a 7.

I find that I start doing these weird things when feeling tense, like I start blinking alot, I curl my toes up constantly until they start to hurt and run holes in my socks and I make patterns or shapes with my fingers tips (in case you didn't realise im a bit of a weirdo) tho I seemed to be doing these things a lot more in last 12 months or so...

Its getting to the point were im forgetting my reason for wanting to create and sing these songs for the world, I mean what was the point of it all again? Someone remind me because I don't remember signing on for this in the beginning. I feel like my spaceship was shot down and landed on a lonely planet and I don't know how to repair the ship so I can take to the skies once more and be on my way...I just don't know. Even tho there has been many people around me this has been a very lonely record to make, its tested me in so many ways that I think it was only a matter of time till it broke me over and over again. I'm broken, things will never be the same...I hope what im about to say isn't a reality but on this fine day I can honestly tell you I don't know how or if I can physically mentally handle touring this album, which isn't so bad you get an album at least. It's a tour in itself.

Imagine trying to paint a picture you have in your head but each time you go to finish it the green paint keeps disappearing and you know you can't complete the Artwork with out those dark green shades of colour. You go the Art store for more green paint and they tell you they can order it and you wait and wait but it never comes in....Sucks when its a primary color.

I want to also make it very very clear this record has been building some pretty intense anticipation and you would think such a grand journey and sacrifice for one little record would give it some kind of special power and you'd expect when you put in on ya little stereo that it would sound 3D and give you chills and possibly bring back your faith in not only myself and the band but music in general. I need you to know that it wont do such a thing, yes its taken a long time, yes it has some crazy journeys printed in the musical compositions ive created but its nothing new, its not going to blow you away, if anything this record is going to feel awkward and possibly even frust

rate you, maybe even as much as its frustrated me. I'm sorry I just don't want to let you down any more than i have as I know many of you are expecting as you should from all this wait, something ever so special but im afraid it may feel like the new transformers movie. It's just another life form singing about another new day one your all familiar with...The end.

Ive been running around the globe for whats going on 4 months now, sleeping on people's couches I sometimes barely know and living in the
most unpredictable times, its a crazy, beautiful and unpredictable experience. You should try it some time.

Gota run need to fix my spaceman before he....

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

Next up randomness...

Sunday, 14 June 2009

So I arrived in Toronto, Canada and head straight to studio to begin mixing, though it seems I was set up for a disaster. Due to my tribulations with this insane album from working with people in the past, I picked up the vibe on things quickly and after 4 days of going around in circles I walked out of the studio kicking & screaming, it really was not what I expected as I had my heart set to finalise this album once and for all. Not a happy camper, here I am in a big city and I pretty much know no-one. The plan was to stay at the studio; I would have a chauffer when I need to get anything and once it was over id go back to the airport and fly to L.A. This was not to be the case...and so a new journey begins.

So I spend the next day hanging in downtown Toronto which is kinda like a miniature New York big Melbourne, a city that is on a 4 week garbage strike, they have had no one pick up their garbage for 4 bloody weeks. It shows there is rubbish everywhere and the city smells horrid. I went to the beach yesterday and they had flags up telling people not to swim because of the pollution (I could see rubbish everywhere in the water) was packed with hundreds of people no one swimming that I saw, just sunbaking in this kinda dark brown sand, it was horrid and smelt gross (ohh and their were black squirrels running around), weird tho it still looked so beautiful and foreign to me ive never seen anything like it. Even the parks are being neglected and the grass is getting high as nothing seems to be maintained. Interesting to be in a place were people just decide to say NO and then nothing happens and its up to “US” to sort out our own solutions. I have been told this has happened before, other then that it really is a beautiful place.


Toronto has the most incredible art gallery I think ive ever been to in my life. It was extremely well put together the works flowed so well, I was so overwhelmed by what I had seen in a space of 2 hrs, I walked out feeling breathless and missed the fine art section, they had an exhibit on Canadian artworks from a century ago when the French came into Canada and took over things, really brutal paintings, as well as this and many other things they had my favourite a DADA exhibit that includes original works from Salvador Dali, the ORIGINAL works people, you may know “Apparition of Face and Fruit Dish on a Beach” (above), well I was naughty and touched it. I swear his paintings up close have an aura, was very exciting and inspiring for me to be around a fragment of time that fit the moment in the flesh...I've always been very fond of the style and concept behind DADA. I think it maybe were I began compiling in my head my ideas behind TRP, I know I wanted to be apart of something so theatrical and musical yet surreal but something real in its message especially when I was in high school doing visual arts years and the dada movement seemed close to home for me in so many ways.

Anyway. I was able to meet some really sweet people. I'd lost my passport and both Aust and USA phone, walked out of studio with my hard-drive and as it usually happens things turn around unexpectedly and for the best. I was offered a free bed and accommodation for the week and this amazing boy now friend for life, set me up in a new studio with a mixer friend that has been producing bands from UK for last 20 years, I turn up to met the mixer and the studio and mixer comes out with a short moe hawk and NIN t-shirt and im like yes :hearteyes:”dude you are going to love this song” thankfully he did so vibe is a creative and much more relaxing one ...People have been driving me around and giving me so much support which is a relief especially when you have guitars, backpacks, hard drives and vinyl toys to carry around. So im thinking Toronto people are very kind and helpful...

Right now im in a new studio re tracking guitars, yes I know gay isn't it, im having to re play guitars cause they were tracked in Brisbane so poorly...This album is fucked up.

Good news is im getting closer to the end but I feel the things this album makes me endure is wrong.
 

To the future

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

*Sigh*

Firstly im sorry, I want this album done and set aside once and for all like you wouldn't believe and I know many of you have been waiting eagerly for it.

This is a killer album and I don't mean that in a positive light. I've gone from Brisbane, L.A, and Winnipeg, Canada back to Brisbane then to L.A, Nashville and now Toronto, Canada (which reminds me of Melbourne a lot) and Ive worked now with 4 separate Mixing engineers....why?

To chase a dream.

To chase a musical vision I have felt for the longest time and I fight constantly to reach it. I have however been lucky to keep reaching for the stars, I really have but it's been hard. Its been hard to hear these songs over and over again, its been hard to not appreciate the places I have visited or spend quality time with the people I meet or have met cause im constanly thinking about these 13 songs and how im going to finish them....Even tho I seem to constantly be around people it can get so lonely being somewhere you never thought you would be, kinda taking an unexpected detour down a crazy unfinished road.

Today may have been the hardest day of all, my expectations in Toronto were very high as it was for the last half of the record to be here but things are not always as they seem. Wasn't sure if I could push through, I actually felt like I really could let go today which was almost frightening but also a relief...You know that feeling when you can't sleep because you have something exciting to do the next day or you have something going through your head over and over again and it won't let go....

That's how this album is for me everyday and has been for going on 3 years now...It basically put a part of my life and goals on hold. Each new studio I hit, each new mixer I work with is always an exciting new time to finally reach the vision but I burn out quickly each time we open up the songs...sometime it works but it seems most times it doesn't. Each and every person who has worked on this album has said after first song “Trash I have actually never worked on an album this big”. You would think that was a great remark but its actually heart braking to hear it now, as it means struggles ahead if time and patience with each song is not guaranteed, and it has showed over and over again. Financially and time spent.

I want those to know who do care about me and this band and I know there are a few out there, that I really am sacrificing so so much to make this album feel right and that its killing me not touring, not playing with my band, not having a real manager to rely on I can trust, not building shows, not meeting fans, not giving you this album last year and not help make a difference....Its so frustrating but I have committed myself to making this album the album you wanted me to make and so I don't feel I have any choice but to push on...I want so badly for this album to come out on 01.10.10.

At the end of the day the only person who can make this album right, is me.

I do feel lucky to be alive I do feel very lucky to be able to feel these experiences. This album is going to make one hell of a story someday...Were will it take me next?

P.S In last few weeks ive lost my Aust phone and now american phone (so those who are trying to contact me back in OZ, its only possible via email), My mickey mouse bowl, My shoes and my Kick arse tennis raquet (damn). it happens...

Eat yourself to death

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

I woke at 5am this morning and started doing some research on this so called “Swine” Flu. The flu that we are being told is capable of wiping out so many humans. My mission was to find out how the pigs feel about all this chaotic talk, especially when Egypt has decided to kill all the country's 300,000 pigs out of concerns they will spread swine flu but the World Health Organization has said it is entirely unnecessary because the illness is being spread through humans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Kh2EWsEWzk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZfRA1GICJ4

In the first 5 mins what I found was horrifying. I've attached a video for you to view from Egypt; please I dare you to watch it. If you are capable, I want you to watch it and visualise those pigs as woman and children and I want you to understand what you are watching is happening right now, in REAL time. I fought constantly with people who think im crazy for relating these injustice acts against animals as a HOLOCAUST similar to world war two, but I don't know how you can not look at these images and not see the resemblance.

Till the day I die I will be baffled as to why so many people don't see the connection between human and animal and how some people believe its justified to stuff them in virus filled cages and dehydrate them or worse still let them rot to death, exploit them, beat them but still think its okay to eat them, feed them to millions of people without showing those consumers exactly what they are eating but still think after catching a deadly virus that it's the animals fault and so we have every right to burn them alive or do what ever it takes to kill them cost effectively...It makes no sense. I understand this is not happening all over the world (well you would hope not) but it is happening, weather its Aust, Egypt or USA we all live on the one planet so were all in this together and their actions are reflected by our own response. I can't in some way as a carbon life form feel just as responsible.

When I built the Animal Rebellion marches in Australia, the idea came from an important but simple realisation that came to me that when the world starts to fall apart, when we start to fear our own induced death, we will most likely selfishly neglect animals and we will put ourselves first without thinking twice and they will suffer tremendously for it. I was right to go on those rebellion marches and we need to get busy and do more of them. What I want to do is tour and march every country in the world. Reflecting on the animals that are treated most inhumanly and marching as them through each countries capital city with NOAH leading the pack to the UFO and take those animals to another planet so they can live without so much fear once again. You know taking all the animals away from humans may just save them.

I pity the human race for its naivety and vicious greed. Why do we do it? So we can sustain life because we are scared of death? Why so sacred when your god has offered you eternal life? Just chill and let live and let die.

We deserve what's coming to us, myself included if we are NOT prepared to wake up. If only we could and save the children to come.

If only.

Moved to America & now living with Mickey Mouse

Sunday, 26 April 2009

At this point in time I'm very excited to announce I now live in Los Angeles, actually right next to Venice beach, it's quite beautiful and I feel very lucky to be here. It was quite a spontaneous decision, I only booked my flight 7 days ago and now I'm here enjoying a Californian summer, actually ive been vomiting all morning since I hoped off the plane, so not enjoying things as much as I would like yet, tho last night when I arrived I went to a club to see a friends band and was recognised by a stranger outside as the TRP boy, which was a shock but nice. (I didn't even have my green coat on).

The tour with MSI really got me thinking about things, was kind of a confidence boost in some way and gave me the passion and confidence again to take a long awaited jump I believe only I was prepared/able to take, so big thank you to those who came to share their love for TRP at those shows and treated us so well, that tour really was a turning point for us as a band.

I will be staying here in L.A and New York for some time while I finally finish this long awaited album and set up our American release and tours. Whilst here I have had offers to play a few shows including supporting “The Matches”, this Wednesday night at Cat Bar in Hollywood & World Fest on May 16th in L.A at Woodly Park, pretty excited as Paul Watson from Sea Shepherd will also be joining me on the same stage, others shows will be announced shortly or as they come in, anyone want to book The Red Paintings? *wink wink*.

I'm very excited to be here again. Living and working with the band in OZ has been amazing and I do appreciate all we have done but its also been a massive struggle for me as I continuously hit dead ends and closed doors banging my head against the wall, and watching life pass by so quickly, so I'm going to chase what it is im looking for rather than wait for it to come to me and then its to late. They say America is the land of opportunity and a place to achieve your dreams. Well im about to find out, there are so many things ive wanted to do in this country and now im going to start doing, building my idea's and making them a reality, ever since we toured America with the wonderful Dresden Dolls I've always been dreaming to return to do things properly.

Big thank you to those back in OZ that have stood behind me for so long in all that ive done with TRP and have been so supportive in my decision to be back here. I couldn't have done it without you. I know I have had a very lucky run over the last few years.

So I am on the look out for painters and human canvases, cello, violin players and a percussionist. If you know anyone that is keen to collaborate with me on a show or two id love to hear from you and I promise they will all be artistic and exciting times with something fresh for all!

Keep checking in to see shows dates on myspace calendar and hope to see you at a show... Oh if anyone wants to take me out on adventures I'd love the company so please send me an email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. I love roller coasters, theme parks, art galleries, toy stores and margaritas

Wish me luck.

Trash Mcsweeney in dream land.....

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/theredpaintings/blog?page=3#ixzz0zAXye4WI

Trash McSweeney Moved in With Mickey Mouse

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

At this point in time I'm very excited to announce I now live in Los Angeles, actually right next to Venice beach, it's quite beautiful and I feel very lucky to be here. It was quite a spontaneous decision, I only booked my flight 7 days ago and now I'm here enjoying a Californian summer, actually ive been vomiting all morning since I hoped off the plane, so not enjoying things as much as I would like yet, tho last night when I arrived I went to a club to see a friends band and was recognised by a stranger outside as the TRP boy, which was a shock but nice. (I didnt even have my green coat on).

The tour with MSI really got me thinking about things, was kind of a confidence boost in some way and gave me the passion and confidence again to take a long awaited jump I believe only I was prepared/able to take, so big thank you to those who came to share their love for TRP at those shows and treated us so well, that tour really was a turning point for us as a band.

I will be staying here in L.A and New York for some time while I finally finish this long awaited album and set up our American release and tours. Whilst here I have had offers to play a few shows including World Fest on May 16th in L.A at Woodly Park, pretty excited as Paul Watson from Sea Shepherd will also be joining me on the same stage, others shows will be announced shortly or as they come in, anyone want to book The Red Paintings? *wink wink*.

I'm very excited to be here again. Living and working with the band in OZ has been amazing and I do appreciate all we have done but its also been a massive struggle for me as I continuously hit dead ends and closed doors banging my head against the wall, and watching life pass by so quickly, so I'm going to chase what it is im looking for rather than wait for it to come to me and then its to late. They say America is the land of opportunity and a place to achieve your dreams. Well im about to find out, there are so many things ive wanted to do in this country and now im going to start doing, building my idea's and making them a reality, ever since we toured America with the wonderful Dresden Dolls I've always been dreaming to return to do things properly.

Big thank you to those back in OZ that have stood behind me for so long in all that ive done with TRP and have been so supportive in my decision to be back here. I couldn't have done it without you. I know I have had a very lucky run over the last few years.

So I am on the look out for painters and human canvases, cello, violin players and a percussionist. If you know anyone that is keen to collaborate with me on a show or two id love to hear from you and I promise they will all be artistic and exciting times with something fresh for all!

Keep checking in to see shows dates on myspace calendar and hope to see you at a show... Oh if anyone wants to take me out on adventures I'd love the company so please send me an email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. I love roller coasters, theme parks, art galleries, toy stores and margaritas

Wish me luck.

Trash Mcsweeney in dream land.

Volume 5 - Its in my blood

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Duck Shooting and Peter Pan

Just a few short thoughts:

The first encounter I had with death in real time was with an animal. I remember just before this incident coming to terms with some of life's sad facts, one being the reality of death and that my mother and I and all of us for that matter were actually going to die someday and we may never see each other again. Id never been more horrified in my life. I think I was around 5 years old, and I can still feel the loss I felt, the thought of that realisation had haunted me for a long time. I would sit up at night crying a lot and my mum would come comfort me and try explain that it's just the way life is and it wasn't so bad. I guess I was just so worried that I was going to be alone at such an early age and I would miss my mother so much.

When I was a little boy my step father use to take me for camping trips with his mates. I recall one particular trip when they brought their rifles. Turns out it was going to be a duck shooting camping trip. I remember walking behind them on this frosty day singing kindi songs inside my head. Then it happened, flying across a near by lake we could see one duck then bang bang. I watch the poor bird as it falls from the sky over a few small hills. That was it, I was off. I remember running as fast as I could to try save this poor bird, there was no way I was going to let these people eat him. I arrived at the lake and found the bird lying dead on the bank. I ran up to him picked him up and was screaming at him to fly away before the men come. I tried so hard to communicate with it but it was too late, I was even trying to throw him in the water so these guys couldn't reach him. My step dad had arrived to find me in tears. I was so distorted I couldn't understand why anyone would want to kill an animal. They never took me duck shooting again, thank god.

At least once a year at family gatherings when I can attend, my step dad will bring that story up. It still amazes him how much I cared for that duck. I never went shooting for game with anyone again nor have I ever killed an animal for those same reasons.

So I guess my love and connection with animals I feel was one I had at an early age. I never had a role model who could explain to me how important it was to treat animals and help me understand that they too have feelings and rights. I had to learn all this for myself; I guess you could say it was in my blood.

With all the animal cruelty that's hit me in the face the last year and seeing the desperation of Sea Shepherd and so on I guess it has brought up a lot of my past and who I was for so long, so now I just want to help as much as I can and actually help make a difference rather then just an experience. I guess in someway I feel I'm being true to myself. Is that such a bad thing?

Next Up - Painting

Volume 4 - The Extras

Sunday, 15 February 2009

As you all know a lot of creations if not all of them that we've been able to pull together have involved many TRP fans. Particularly our Music videos.

All the videos we have shot for this new album so far have involved people we have never met or met only from previous shows/tours. One video we had over 100 people involved. It amazes me that we can put out a blog on myspace/forum and have so many people willing to be involved and to be apart of a creative idea and have such a fun time whilst doing so. The video for one of then new songs involved around 50 human canvases. Lucky for me everyone who came along had no problems taking their gear off and being on set basically naked for I think it was around 5hrs or maybe more. The video has come out like a dream too, im so proud of all the work we put into that video, and it really is something special.

During that shoot we had a boy twist his balls and end up having to go to emergency, nail go into someone's hand, people falling from ceilings, white paint all over the shower blocks of the University were we shot the video. Boy did they give us a hard time about that. Moggie, Dallas and James spent 7 days constantly cleaning steps, toilet blocks, carpet and it still wasn't good enough for staff, opps!

I would have to say highlight video for me, with the pressure I put us under would have to be “Whales Are Dying “shoot. Still can't believe we put it all together in 7 days. I was flooded with emails from people wanting to be involved, over 120 people but we only needed 25 extras in the end, sorry to those who missed out. I though it would be best with this video to cast those who had never worked with me before. So we had a whole new group of people to work with on the day and everyone was a real joy and very helpful at all times. Thanks guys, couldn't have made that day special without you all.

I can't say there has been on video yet were we have had difficult extras or people not willing to play the part. Just been so lucky I guess, or we have well behaved fans ;)
I think its always been the great thing about this band, that you know when there is a project to conquer that so many of us can be involved and its our unique energies in the end that make it so special.

Just a shame we cant involve those USA fans and those from other countries yet. The Dr. Seuss show's were a great example and incredible creation we all pulled together to make a success. All TRP fans casted in the production, building choirs and string sections, even the lead role going to Butchers and Celia whom I met at working bees for the animal rebellion. Lets hope we, I never loose sight of that and hopefully we can do it all again soon but something even bigger and better that can get us creating around the globe.

Next up – Why Animals?

Leave you with a letter i received tonight:

Dear Trash

I'm Eleanor...17 years old and ment to be studying right now, or doing projects or something for my HSC..but I got borred and read your old blogs.

I was reading your blog from September - 11 -2006 and I thought it very interesting. I myself have a simular background religiously to you. Devoted christian family, believed really stongly at a certain age. But now I believe more stongly and the reason is this: either I am really really brainwashed or god talks to me. He talks to me in words, images, signs, dreams....and it scares the shit out of me. I didn't believe at all for a while but recently something made me believe. I had a dream where I was walking down my street and came to a padock which is full of sheep, they had broken the fence and were wondering around on the road. I walked though the flock and saw a strange sight. A sheep that stood 6 feet tall at least..really skinny, half dead looking. It had 7 eyes and 7 horns.
I am a small person I would normally run....but I didn't. I walked up to the sheep and we began to talk....I can't remember what about. Then suddenly I heard a sound and turned; all the rest of the flock stood bemused around and everyone from my street approched like an angrey mob. They wanted to take the 7eyed sheep to be in a freak show( i remember them saying it was not a creature of gods earth, a deamon.) even the flock turned on us and I was the only thing between the 7 eye sheep and everyone.

I hadn't read revelations in like forever and didn't realise the biblical conetations until I decided to turn the bible to a random page and read that the 7 eyed 7 horned sheep is a representation of Jesus about a week latter (I keep a dream diary so I know the dream is not a construct after reading revelations). People look down on a person like me for believeing my dreams but to me this dream means 1 of 3 things.

1) I will one day recognise Jesus and no one else will and will turn against me as a result
2) the person in my dream wasn't me and judgement day is comeing
3) I will do God's will without question..even without knowing I'm doing it, and I'll be happy to do it even though it will turn my life upside down as i know it.

Their are also I feel 3 posible endings to the dream
1) i walk away from the sheep and join the Mob
2) I die fighting
3) the sheep jumps over me and defends me

All these theories make me sound like I am elevting my importance. If god has big plans for me...plans like that I am terrified...absolutely terrified. If god wants me then he can have me. I don't think it would be glorifying in a human sense, or important except to god and me.

There is a 4th opption: the girl who still had 4 imaginary friends when she was 14 (called John, Paul, George, and Ringo) is letting her imagination get the better of herself again. I don't know why I specifically wanted to pass my dream on to you...but I thought from reading your dream you might understand how I feel about mine, and if you have any oppinions I'm sure they would be interesting.

Good Luck

Volume 3 - Snap, Crackle and POP!

Thursday, 05 February 2009

In the last few years I've had 3 very full on seizures, one breaking my jaw in half. On the last USA tour, the night of the last show I fell so sick, like I've never felt before fevers of 103, sleeping in a Hotel 6 in Hollywood while others are waiting patiently for me to get better so we can track to Area 51. I didn't seem to get better for a few days, actually I was so sick that I had to constantly talk myself out of seizures, was coughing up blood and my eye sight started to go on me. That's when the wonderful Barb decided to get me to a hospital fast and thank god she did as im not sure how much more I could have taken of that feeling.

After 4- 5 hrs in hospital they inject me with medicine, I think I kept dry reaching, I had nothing in my stomach so nothing to come up, most awful feeling,. But once the drugs kicked in I was smiling again and colour came back into my face, doctor is a complete arse, and they let me go.

Back to the hotel, I eat finally. Then we begin organising new adventures, until just my luck. I fall sick again the next day and fever goes up to a high. The decision is made to get me back to Barbs house in Minneapolis, so I don't have to keep paying for a gross hotel room and 2ndly there is no way I could have flown home that sick. Barb is great as always and after a week of good rest and pills and vitamins I start eating again taking fluids and rest is history. Oh, the flight from L.A to Minneapolis was fuked up; I never want to feel like that again. I'm sorry to barb for being so restless but that flight felt like weeks had gone by, here I am crunched in this tight seat in constant pain wanting to just lie down on the ground....

Now around the time of breaking my Jaw I recall that almost every time I ate food I would spew in my mouth, basically vomit a small amount of every snack or meal I ate. Don't ask me why, but I actually never thought anything of it and never questioned it or told anyone about it. Turns out I have a disease called “Acid Reflux”, this occurs when the acid in your stomach, which is there to help digest your food rises up the oesophagus (The tube which connects the mouth to the stomach). You see ive had this for years. So what's side effect? Well in serious cases some people get severe stomach ulcers and others have major throat problems especially with vocal chords as the acids are in alien territory and doing what they are meant to do, break down what ever is in site. In my case it's been my vocal chords and not too many people know about this and ive kept it quiet until now. The time when I noticed this problem effect me most was in the studio recording the Sea Shepherd song. I recall I was running around all day trying to organise the recording and what ever else was going on, and while we were laying down the tracks I received a call that Paul Watson and crew were going to be staying one more night and so they were keen to come to studio and sing on the song. This of course was very exciting for me and those involved. But it also meant time would have to be cut in certain areas and of course because we only had one night we had to lay down the tracks quickly.

I was really on the bands case that night to be concentrating and work efficiently and they did and really made sure we didn't fuck around much at all. By the time I had to lay my main vocals down I was in vocal booth and Sea Shepherd crew had arrived. So my initial reaction is Oh shit, better lay these vocals down fast, so we can spend as much time as possible to make these guys feel comfortable and get the most out of them for the song. Now this song may seem like a breeze to sing when you hear it, but when you are exhausted as I was and brain is going 100 miles an hr you just don't think, you don't think about vocal technique anyway, and I just closed my eyes and pulled my vocals from any place I could find them in my body. There was one point when every thing changed. I recall thinking this has been my 3 take of the song and this has to be the last and I have to nail it, I was on my tippy toes and pulling in all my muscles in my body and every last bit of energy I had left. I went for a high note and felt something in my body loose tension almost like something had snapped. Lucky I laid down all tracks needed and rest of the night went smoothly and I think it all ended up being a great success. I really loved the experience and what we were able to do with that song, especially since we re wrote the song and recorded it in something like 7 days, everything was running so quickly and I made sure we didn't miss a beat.

After the recording we went straight on tour with Saul Williams. This is were things changed a lot for me. Show one Brisbane, was a frustrating show. I thought we played best show maybe to date in Brisbane that night, the crowd was tough at times, I seriously once again gave that show my everything but half way through the set I noticed something was holding me back, something I couldn't pin point. I had 4 red bulls before I hit the stage that night so I was running around the stage like some manic kid, but even still something was defiantly not right. Then we did Bryon Bay then flight to Sydney. Same thing with this show but minus all the Red Bull I was singing and there was certainly enough energy in the room for me to loose it, but something in my body was holding me back, so I pushed myself as hard as I could and another high energy show for the audience. Tho I remember when I was playing this show I was looking at that ground while I was singing and my mind was going to another place, like is started day dreaming during the set. Then Tasmania, this one was weird. We did two shows first one I still had that reserved feeling inside and I started to notice that I really had to work hard to hit notes like Chorus of Dead Children or Mercy Seat which I never think about and come naturally. On the 2nd show same problem again but this time my body wouldn't allow me to get to high note so I sang most of that set different register but still pushed as much as I could to get to crucial octaves. 3 days off then we hit last 2 shows for the year. First show Sunshine Coast, honestly I love to play live and im always pumped to get on stage and give people my everything but I really did not want to do this show. Something inside of me was not right, I still couldn't understand what it was but as always I pushed through anyway. From the first note to the last, that show may have been one of the worst experience's of my life, every time I went to sing a medium or high register note my voice sounded like a, I don't know how to describe it maybe a pig grunt or something that really doesn't sound very nice, and I cant describe how frustrating it is not to sing my songs right especially when there are people yelling for requests and being so friendly. I lost it that night and I apologise to those there that had to see it. I was very negative on stage and I said things that I do believe but I should never have said them on stage. I guess those there really did get a real “trash” going through something that wasn't fun at all.

We finish the show at 1am and we drive from Mooloolaba to Airport in Brisbane for a 4am flight to get to Melb for a x2 set show and the last TRP show for 2008, sadly this one will not go off with a bang. On the way to the airport I get pulled over on the high way. There are cops all over the road pulling all cars over and doing car checks and what not. The day before this show I was pulled over when Andy called me as I left my drive way and I picked up the phone with out my seat belt on and I didn't see cops walking down the road, they see me tho and run at my car pulling me off the road and drilling me and fining me and giving me a lecture about all things and the state of my car and my deteriorating tyres. So these cops pull me over also, and give me typical drill, asking if id been drinking and all the usual things, im like no no no no, then he says to me “you are on drugs aren't you?” I'm like “no mate im not, I'm just so tired, im in a bad mood and I need to get this music gear back home and drive to airport and go to another show”. He doesn't believe me and gets cops to go through the back of my fan and check the gear in case there are drugs in there and then keeps telling me they will do a drug test if I don't tell them the truth. I look in the guy's eyes and im like “Seriously man I couldn't afford to be on drugs”, then he turns around and I kid you not and say's “well then you need to eat more by the looks of things”, in my head I'm thinking “fuck you”.. They give me a fine because my car has a defect, tyres of course and away I go.

Show in Melbs is painful, band is painful, the light is painful, the venue is painful, people are painful, the PA was painful, the sound check was painful oh man I should never have done this show.

If it wasn't for my beautiful sister and her band playing & those fans I admire so much for coming, I would have cancelled but the show must go on as always. I take to the stage and my voice is till gone and going. My uncle was calling me all afternoon and pleading with me not to sing this show, so I pretty much played both sets in monotone. I was so embarrassed, really we actually played so well and things sounded okay but I just, I mean how the hell can I get into my songs and the atmosphere when my voice is screwed. We get through it, not sure how but it seemed everyone in the room loved the band and we were meeting all these new and great people, so in the end it was all okay I guess.

I sent the band home and went home to my family for time out...Weeks passed my voice was still gone, my family was getting worried as they are well aware that I don't look after myself like I should, especially when things are busy. Plus I have never warm up my vocals before shows. I'm usually running around getting stage shows together to find time to relax and have my body ready to go so I don't damage myself, and once again its catching up with me.

I book myself in to see a throat, vocal specialist. He puts a camera up my nose and down into my throat, such an uncomfortable feeling. He tells me something is not right and that I need to see another specialist ASAP and when I tell him about the acid reflux he seems concerned but tells me I should be okay and sends me away with some pills. I don't take the pills. A week later im in Doctors office with 3 doctors, they put two different cameras down my throat and we can all see a screen that is showing my vocal chords. Was really amazing to watch, I would sing certain notes and my vocal chords react to the notes as we watch them in real time. After the autopsy. The head doctor says to me, you maybe in a bit of trouble Trash. I explain my situation with the band and that I need to know all my options ASAP and she books a one on one meeting with me to look at the footage and to get me into medications and rehab ASAP.

I had to wait for an hr before seeing her in the city, God it was awful, of course I was thinking the worst. I thought my career in singing was over. Hr later im in her office. So she told me and showed me in pics my vocal chords, explaining that the acid reflux from over the years and mixture of bad vocal technique (studio recording whales are dying) has collapsed one side of my vocal chords. Basically meaning my vocal chords don't fit together at this time and when I go for big notes they don't form the right shape to allow air to rush thru to form the shapes of the notes.

My vocal chords were all inflamed and compared to healthy vocal chords they looked retarded. When I explained my diet and the way I live and lifestyle she was shaking her head. She told me that through the Saul Williams tour my vocal chord was most likely already collapsing and I was pushing muscles from around the chords to get the note and my adrenalin was pushing the notes through but causing serious damage, until the tour was over and that's when everything collapsed and no more notes could be sung. As well as this the acid reflux problems were the main cause to why this was happening and she pointed out the damage it was doing too my chords and was making them quite weak. So really I did very well to get myself this far –

So how bad is it and will I ever sing like I did again?
Short answer YES. Long answer – Well for me to get my vocal chords back into good shape again ive had to change my lifestyle drastically. If I don't do this I'm going to always have problems. Basically I have to take double dose of medication to get my stomach settled so I can stop reflux and acid continually burning my vocal chords. They will not heal unless the reflux stops so this is something I need to get sorted ASAP. I have to breath through a steam inhaler 3 – 4 times a day, I have to drink this god awful liquid after each meal and I'm now in rehab and have a vocal physician who is working with me every 2 – 3 days to start from the bottom and learn how to re sing again. My vocals have basically shut down and im now having to re boot them and start from scratch learn how to sing properly and from my stomach not my throat. Good new is after only two sessions I had amazing results and ive been told, If I go back to eating 3 meals a day, and do all the things they tell me to do daily, I will have my voice back in around 4 weeks and be as strong if not stronger then ive ever been. Which is a relief.

I only have myself to blame for all this. Ive always put this band first, especially before my health and especially on tours. I've been on tours and not eaten for up to 3 days. I just get so worked up, its not like I don't have option to eat I just choose not to. I always believed that my creativity was feeding me physically so I didn't need to eat especially as I hardly ever seem to have an appetite, seems it's not that case and as I get older it's really effecting me. What I find amazing is how I can maintain my drive and focus and performance on all those tours. Ive put my body though some serious slamming and my body has held in there for me until after the tours then bang. I can sleep for days on end. My seizure that broke my jaw happened morning after our last gig of that tour. USA I didn't collapse till the last show and my vocal chords collapsed right on the last 2 shows of 2008. Thank god Id laid down all vocal tracks for album and singles because I would never have been able to take loosing my voice if I was in the middle of the record or on a major tour and my voice gave out on me. I wouldn't take that well at all.

Moral of this story – My body is a cage.

next up - The extras.

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